


You Always Remember The Things That Matter The Least

by tsukist



Category: Gintama
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst and Humor, Bottom Hijikata Toshirou, Emotional Hurt, Established Relationship, Eventual Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, Gay Sex, Light Angst, M/M, Makeup Sex, Mutual Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Resolved Sexual Tension, Sexual Humor, Smut, Top Gintoki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-12 13:34:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28636353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsukist/pseuds/tsukist
Summary: After months of pointless arguing, involuntarily going without sex for 30 days, and a lot of unsatisfying masturbation sessions, Gintoki decides it's time to take the initiative and confront Hijikata about their flawed relationship.
Relationships: Hijikata Toshirou/Sakata Gintoki
Comments: 17
Kudos: 119





	You Always Remember The Things That Matter The Least

**Author's Note:**

> Named after epsiode 31 (memory loss arc).

Steam coiled out of the small gap between the slick shower curtain rod and the cracked ceiling, slowly curling the flaking white paint into tightly wound coils. Gintoki had watched this process countless times over several months, and now all that remained of the ceiling paint were a few small, scattered blotches, like melting patches of snow in spring.

It was a nice thought, but at that moment, his attention was needed elsewhere. He commenced the steady pumping of his hand. After the initial intrusion and the switch from disgust to indifference on his boyfriend’s face, his half-tumescent penis had become painfully hard, although it secretly pained him that this was their “normal.” Just the thought of burying his dick inside of him was enough to spur Gintoki on, but there was no time to fantasize about sex as his pleasure peaked. The running water turned off just as the tension in his body was finally released in a semi-satisfying orgasm. He always had impeccable timing.

“Shit,” he mumbled, mindlessly fondling himself for only a moment longer before he sat back against the cool porcelain cistern in his usual post-masturbation form; quivering legs akimbo, arms resting on his thighs, and his head lolling back so he could stare up at the ceiling and ponder what exactly had led him to this point in his life when his own boyfriend wouldn’t even let him fuck him, or at least spoon him. As luck would have it, he had a hand and a dick—although this didn’t always suffice, it was better than nothing.

“Are you done?” Hijikata asked, peeking his head out of the shower to glance at the naked man sprawled on the toilet. 

“Unless you wanna bend over.” 

Hijikata glared at him but otherwise ignored the comment, which had become a typical response to anything and everything Gintoki said as their relationship inevitably took a turn downhill. He pushed the brown curtain aside and stepped onto the yellowing, stained bath mat that was once a crisp white. His toned, scarred body glistened with small drops of water, like morning dew, and his dark hair was dripping onto the slick tile and forming a pool at his feet.

“What are you looking at?” Hijikata asked. He was now standing in front of Gintoki, but he was facing the direction of the mirror, his tight ass naked and steaming. After turning back around, he added, “That’s my lotion, you know.”

He was so close, close enough to touch, but the distance between them felt like miles.

“Oh, is it? Sorry, I ran out.”

Hijikata sighed but said nothing more. He reached over Gintoki’s head to the towel cabinet, his long, limber arms straining to reach the top shelf. His limp dick hung directly in front of Gintoki, who remained slumped on the toilet seat, teasing him in an unspoken attempt to provoke him. That bastard Hijikata knew exactly what he was doing, didn’t he?

After deciding against taking his soft dick into his mouth, Gintoki forced himself to stand up. He brushed past Hijikata and opened the bathroom door, then stepped out into the dimly lit hallway. The feeling of the cool air on his steaming skin was pleasant and refreshing until he remembered that the HVAC system for their apartment had broken down that morning and that it was the middle of December. The wall thermostat informed him that the temperature of their apartment was just above 7°C; if he wanted to, he could leave a jug of strawberry milk on the kitchen counter overnight without worrying about it spoiling come morning. These living conditions were inhumane.

“Fuck,” he groaned. A meaningless curse was all he could manage. How did their unit pass inspection after their system had already broken twice within the past year? Otose had explained that it would be a day or two before it was repaired, again, but begrudgingly offered Hijikata and Gintoki a temporary room on the floor below until the heat was working again. Naturally, because protecting his pride was more important than having a warm, comfortable place to sleep, Hijikata refused to move. After he politely declined Otose’s offer and walked her and Catherine out the door, he and Gintoki had bickered endlessly until the latter threatened to move out altogether. Hijikata was not fazed in the least; he believed that Gintoki could neither support nor take care of himself, which left him feeling embarrassed at his childishness. And so, the argument was over. 

“What’s wrong with you today?” Hijikata interrupted his brooding with the blunt question. 

Gintoki looked around him, only to see that he was still shivering in the suffocatingly narrow hallway. Hijikata, who stood behind him, hesitantly wrapped a plush white towel around his shoulders as if he was a victim of some traumatic event—the shock of involuntarily going without sex for a month was not something to be taken lightly. Gintoki felt his cheeks warm with appreciation. For just a moment, their circumstances became irrelevant as he recalled one of the many reasons he'd fallen in love with someone as cold and stubborn as Hijikata.

“It’s fucking freezing in here,” Gintoki replied, turning around with the intention of pulling his boyfriend into a hug only to see that he was no longer standing behind him. He only managed to catch a glimpse of Hijikata’s ass before he disappeared into his dark bedroom and quietly closed the door behind him.

Disappointment overcame him, but he’d become used to watching the things he loved slip out of his grasp; it had slowly but surely become natural to him until eventually, the ease with which he let things pass him by began to frustrate him. He knew better than anyone that the more important something was to him, the bigger the reprisal when he finally lost it—not that this made it any easier. He dug his toes into the carpet because it was the only thing he could do to keep himself from cursing or yelling or punching the wall; anything to make himself feel worse.

Pulling the towel tighter around his shivering body, he stepped into his dark bedroom, which was adjacent to Hijikata’s, and closed the door behind him. In the small, moonlit room, he was greeted by the mirror across from the door. His muscular body was deathly pale, naked but for the towel around his shoulders, and he was covered in goosebumps like a chicken plucked of all his feathers. The alarm clock on the floor next to his futon read 11:03 PM. It would be a long night.

As soon as he dropped the towel, the chilly air began to seep even deeper into his skin, putting down roots in the furthest reaches of his stiff body. For a few moments, he simply stood naked in the middle of his room, his hands clutching his shaking shoulders and his dick so shrunken that it practically disappeared between his legs. He walked to his closet and got dressed in his cloud kimono, which he tied at the waist with a thick haramaki, and pulled a winter haori overtop. The haori actually belonged to Hijikata; he’d stolen it from the clean laundry a few days before when he had been feeling even more horny and desperate than usual. He turned on the small, loud space heater at the foot of his bed, which Kagura had picked up from the side of the road and given to him in exchange for convenience store nikuman—it coughed out heat in random bursts and rattled noisily but, much like stripping down and jerking himself off, it was better than nothing. He laid down beneath the blankets and stared up at the ceiling, watching his breath form clouds as he began to wonder what the other man must be thinking about. 

Sighing, Gintoki rolled onto his side and faced the wall that he and Hijikata shared. He reached out his hand and placed it on the wall, his fingers spread and his eyes closed. He imagined Hijikata lying wide awake in bed, just as cold as him, yet satisfied that he got what he wanted. It was just like him to be selfish and unforgiving, even at a personal cost, simply because he enjoyed the thrill of competing with Gintoki—who would be the first to give in and find somewhere else to stay for the night? He once found Hijikata’s stubbornness charming, but now it was nothing more than fuel for the fire. Small quarrels that could be amended with lovemaking turned into shouting matches that left them tight-lipped for days. The arguments escalated quickly, becoming more personal and leading to lengthy silences. Sometimes, Gintoki felt that he had become nothing more than a shadow of Hijikata, forever following behind him even if the sun disappeared behind the clouds.

To Gintoki, Hijikata wasn’t just a warm body to fall asleep next to or someone to fuck. He was one of the few constant people in Gintoki’s life—and certainly, the only one who ever wanted, needed, and loved him unconditionally. Even after their most vicious arguments, Hijikata would show little signs that he wasn’t ready to give up; he’d make Gintoki’s favourite meal for dinner or spend his day off taking care of the household chores, or even convince Kagura and Shinpachi to hang out at the dojo so he and Gintoki could have some alone (adult) time together. Guilt began to creep into Gintoki’s heart, weighing it down as he pondered all of the things that he should’ve said, or that he shouldn’t have. Deep in his chest, he felt an emptiness that could only be filled with one thing.

Despite his sudden lust for fulfillment, it took every ounce of courage within Gintoki to crawl out from under the covers, rise to his feet, and unplug his space heater, which he tucked under his arm as he quietly slipped out of his bedroom into the dark hallway. He had the intention of storming into Hijikata’s bedroom and demanding that they sleep together, but the moment his hand reached the cool doorknob, he got cold feet.

_What am I thinking?_

He hadn’t a clue.

_What if he refuses?_

Again, he wasn’t sure, but what reason did Hijikata have to say no? He was a man who had needs, just like Gintoki. Although it might be awkward at first, a late-night visit wouldn’t do any harm. Gintoki nodded reassuringly to himself and took a deep breath. His heart raced and his hand trembled with unease as he slowly turned the knob. Who knew that it could be so nerve-wracking to demand attention from your own boyfriend?

_What the fuck am I doing?_

The very moment the thought occurred to him, the door swung open. The speed and force with which the door was yanked caught Gintoki off guard and he was clumsily thrust forward, very narrowly missing the opportunity to smack foreheads with Hijikata in the process. He quickly took a step back from the other man, who was wearing a combination of several layered yukatas, all tied together with a single obi, as well as a pair of house slippers.

“I could hear you breathing, you idiot,” he muttered, rubbing his eyes. He almost seemed harmless in his sleepy state. “What do you want?”

Gintoki clenched his fists at his sides, but remained silent; he’d made it all the way to the door, but now his lack of planning was threatening to get in the way. Not only had Hijikata already been awake, which he wasn’t anticipating, but Gintoki hadn’t exactly prepared a speech. He had unconsciously assumed that, upon seeing him shivering in the hallway with his space heater in tow, Hijikata would promptly invite him in and they’d have mind-blowing make-up sex. But, their relationship was far from casual—but, then again, Gintoki was an idiot.

“It's cold. Let’s sleep together.”

Without saying a word, Hijikata stepped aside and gestured for Gintoki to enter his dark bedroom. Gintoki could have cried tears of joy, but instead, he casually brushed past his boyfriend and sauntered inside. It felt strange to enter Hijikata’s space so freely after a month of hostility, but everything was the same as it had always been. Even in the dark, he recognized the silhouettes of his advent mayonnaise collectables, which rested on a shelf that was nailed into the wall next to the far window. They were evenly spaced and neatly organized in chronological order; Gintoki could just make out a miniature figure of a Lucky Cat holding a bottle of the condiment, which was illuminated by the faint moonlight that reached the room through the sheer curtains. _So tacky._ The covers on Hijikata’s futon were immaculately made, despite the fact that he had probably been curled up beneath the blankets before Gintoki arrived at his door.

The soft thud of the door shutting brought Gintoki back to the present. He plugged his space heater into the outlet nearest to the edge of the futon and twisted the dial to the least obnoxious setting. He turned around to see Hijikata standing just a few feet away, watching him with a blank expression.

"Something on my face?"

“I’m just waiting for you to get in,” he muttered, sounding almost shy. Gintoki always slept closest to the wall, so he always got into bed first.

“Sorry, I tend to move a bit slower when my apartment is a fucking icebox,” Gintoki retorted, but he felt a little touched. Unexpectedly, Hijikata smiled, although it would look like nothing more than a smudge in his constant frown to anyone who didn’t know him well enough to distinguish between the two. When was the last time he’d made Hijikata smile?

With the space heater pushing around cold air and the tension somewhat lifted, Gintoki worked up the courage to crawl under the covers. He laid on his back on the side closest to the wall. Hijikata laid next to him, leaving about 2 inches between them at the shoulder—his small futon wasn’t built for two people, let alone two well-built young men. The hum of late-night foot traffic slowly shuffling along the street below mingled with the rumbling of the space heater and the anxious pounding of Gintoki’s heart. He felt like the protagonist of a BL novel; should he reach for his hand, or wait for Hijikata to make the first move? Wasn’t he supposed to be the one making Hijikata nervous?

“Oi.”

“Huh?”

“I asked if you’re cold,” Hijikata mumbled. 

Gintoki turned his head to the side to look at him since he now had an excuse to do so, although his eyes took a moment to adjust to the dim light. He wanted to reach out and close the distance between them with the tips of his fingers; he would give the world just to _touch_ him again, even if his desires weren’t reciprocated. Being close enough to grope him through the front of his pants was torturous enough without the lack of sexual desire radiating from Hijikata.

“Yeah…” Gintoki hesitantly replied after a long pause. Was this some sort of trick question? Was Hijikata planning to bash his head in if he made a suggestive remark? He couldn’t be sure. “Aren’t you?”

“Yeah.”

Another pause.

“Hey,” he whispered. Hijikata hummed to let him know that he was listening. “Give me your hand. Maybe some skin to skin will warm us up a little.”

Hijikata turned his head so quickly that Gintoki visibly flinched. His heart raced with a combination of unease and excitement as they silently stared at each other, Hijikata’s expression completely unreadable. Gintoki didn’t just want to hold his hand. He wanted to undress Hijikata. He wanted to feel the heat of his mouth and the friction between their bare skin. He wanted to hear his sweet moans in the shell of his ear and fuck him until he finished. Even if the sex was awkward and they couldn’t bring themselves to look at each other in the eye, he wanted all of it. It was unbearable.

“What are you, a kid?” Hijikata sighed. There was a shift beneath the blankets before Gintoki felt a small hand hesitantly close around his larger one. He intertwined their fingers and unconsciously stroked his thumb along the back of Hijikata’s hand as they quietly gazed at each other. 

“Thanks, Oogushi.”

Hijikata rolled his eyes but otherwise didn’t show any indication that he hated it. This relieved some of the anxiety coursing through Gintoki, who had long ago stored away in the dark recesses of his mind the fear that the love that remained between them wasn’t mutual. It was a fear that manifested itself after their first major argument, about three months after they moved in together. Hijikata’s demanding work schedule was beginning to take away from the precious few hours they could spend together in a given day and, although they were upset for the same reason, Gintoki’s ruthless criticisms of Kondo sent his boyfriend, who held a deep and unshakeable respect for his Commander, flying into a rage. Of course, Gintoki wasn’t one to back down from a fight—or simply admit that he was being immature—and the situation escalated until their arguments were reduced to pathetic, bottom-of-the-barrel insults.

The sex that night was so rough that, for the first time in their three-year relationship, Gintoki wondered if he had unconsciously been _trying_ to hurt Hijikata. Then again, Hijikata had clenched down on him so tightly that he feared his dick would be torn off. After they’d detached themselves from each other, he’d discovered that his back was a mess of deep scratches and his body was heavily bruised in the places where Hijikata had viciously clung onto him. The carnal desire to inflict pain on each other was as fleeting and forgettable as a mid-summer thunderstorm, but it was a catalyst for a series of arguments and toxicity that resulted in their current impasse.

“Your hand is sweaty as hell.”

“So is yours,” Gintoki chuckled and rolled onto his side. His face was just a few inches away from Hijikata’s. “I think the skin to skin is working.”

“Did you even wash it after jerking off, you bastard?” Hijikata questioned with a scowl, but his tone lacked its usual venom—he almost sounded amused. He followed Gintoki’s lead and turned onto his side. “Your palm is sticky.”

“But I thought you liked white, creamy stuff that you can put in your mouth.”

“You’re disgusting,” Hijikata spat.

“You should start brushing your teeth with mayonnaise,” Gintoki suggested, smiling innocently at the glaring man laying across from him. He was on a roll now. When they weren’t arguing, teasing him was one of his favourite pastimes. “Whatever you’re using now clearly isn’t working out for you, _Kemuri-kun._ ”

“Aren’t you the one who eats sweets like they’ve got their own fucking food group? I don’t know how all of your teeth haven’t fallen out yet, you bastard.”

“It must be because I hang out with kids all day. It’s the power of youth.”

“That explains a lot more than just your looks.”

At that last jab, Gintoki’s smile was quickly replaced with a pout, but he was too distracted by Hijikata’s sharp bone structure and those beautiful blue eyes that took on a seductive, steely shade in the moonlight to retort with a witty comeback. Gintoki hadn’t had the pleasure of seeing his handsome face at such close proximity in quite some time. Before he even realized what he was doing, he’d reached his free hand to the exposed right side of Hijikata’s face and traced along his jaw to his high cheekbone. His fingers slid into his dark hair, which was still damp from the shower, and settled on the back of his head.

“You smell like my shampoo,” Gintoki whispered as if it was a secret that was meant to be kept between the two of them. He bumped his forehead against Hijikata’s and, upon inhaling, the pleasant scent of strawberry-kiwi shampoo filled his nose and he nearly lost his train of thought. “I guess that means we’re even for the lotion, right?”

“You’re such an idiot,” Hijikata chastised him, but his annoyed expression was beginning to melt into that of longing under Gintoki’s unwavering gaze and the long-overdue physical contact. “It’s been a month since we last kissed, let alone had sex, but suddenly you want to sleep together, and then you start curling up next to me like a cat in heat. It’s not fair.”

“So you were keeping track, Hijikata-kun?” Gintoki smirked, squeezing his hand. “It’s not like you _want_ to do it with me.”

“When did I ever say that, moron?” Hijikata was genuinely at a loss. “All we do is argue about rent and work and pointless shit, then we don’t talk to each other for days. When we do finally talk to each other again, the process just repeats itself.”

They stared at each other in silence. Gintoki was teetering on the fine line between disagreeing for the sake of his pride and agreeing for the sake of their relationship, but deep down he knew that Hijikata was completely and utterly correct. A lack of intimacy wasn’t the root of their issues; it was simply a result of poor communication, which wasn’t exactly a new development. Both men had been tormenting themselves while longing for each other, but they were too prideful to admit that the relationship they’d worked so hard to develop and maintain was imperfect. Neither of them wanted to confront the harsh reality that the very foundation of their relationship was crumbling over something as temporary as Hijikata’s packed work schedule, or as predictable as Gintoki’s spotty, below-average income. Instead of being appreciative and making do with what they had, they’d continued to ask each other for more, becoming blind to their own shortcomings in the process. It wasn’t a wound that would heal overnight, but what mattered most was that they loved each other more than enough to begin repairing the delicate balance they’d so carelessly broken.

“I don’t expect you to forgive me, but…I’m sorry for everything, Toshiro,” Gintoki said, both his tone and unwavering gaze full of sincerity. Not only was it unlike him to apologize first, but it was also his first time using Hijikata’s given name in as long as he could remember. “I’ve been a dick these past few months, haven’t I?”

“Yeah, you have,” Hijikata whispered, his voice trembling. He placed his free hand on Gintoki’s cheek and stroked his thumb along the sensitive skin beneath his half-lidded, wine-red eye. “I’m sorry too. For being a dick and…for making you have to jerk yourself off all the time.”

“Once you get used to it, it’s not so bad.”

“Tell me about it.”

They both chuckled, but the sound quickly died down and the mood in the room seemed to shift as they continued to gaze at each other, waiting for the other to make a move. The pounding of their hearts in their own ears was almost drowned out by the hum of the space heater, which had settled into a steady rhythm of airflow. Now that Hijikata was lying so close and the room was so quiet, Gintoki was painfully aware of the cold. He wanted to kiss and touch Hijikata and maybe even go further if he was lucky. Despite the chill running through him, his blood began to boil and his dick began to stiffen, threatening to form a tent that would be visible even through his multiple layers of clothing.

Just as the wait was becoming unbearable, Hijikata finally leaned in and closed his lips around Gintoki’s in an open-mouth kiss. He slipped his wet tongue between Gintoki’s full lips and tilted his head to one side, giving himself just enough leverage to push his way into his mouth. Gintoki, who’d been momentarily stunned, finally began to return the kiss. He sucked and tugged on Hijikata’s lower lip, then dragged his tongue along his teeth and the hollows of his cheeks. He pushed even deeper, intoxicated by the scent of his skin and the taste of nicotine lingering on his tongue. The kiss was as desperate and clumsy as their first, but for both of them, the sensation was pure ecstasy. 

When Gintoki pulled away to catch his breath, he caught Hijikata staring at him, his pretty eyes like pools of honey and his swollen lips begging for more attention. He looked like he was waiting for something, but wasn’t sure if he was actually going to get it. Gintoki smirked knowingly.

“If you thought I was gonna stop at kissing…” he trailed off, letting go of Hijikata’s hand to grab his ass, “…then it really has been too long.”

“You’re right,” Hijikata whispered. He slipped his hand beneath Gintoki’s borrowed haori and grabbed his erection. “It _has_ been too long.”

Just like that, Gintoki’s hesitancy crumbled to dust. There was no time to consider the cold as he tossed the blanket aside and rolled on top of Hijikata, pinning him to the futon with his body as he rolled his hips and rubbed their groins together through their layers of clothing. Hijikata was softly gasping and sighing, but his reactions just weren’t enough. Gintoki wanted to hear everything he’d been holding in, and there was only one way to get Hijikata Toshiro to sing like a bird. In one swift motion, Gintoki rocked back on his haunches, tore the silk obi from Hijikata’s waist, and tossed it aside. In succession, his yukatas came apart, like a set of Russian dolls that gradually lost their delicate, minute details with each new layer until all that remained was a blank slate. 

The unravelling of his clothing had revealed a mouthwatering view of his upper body, which was composed of firm, supple muscles that seamlessly transitioned into jutting hips and slim, elegant legs. His dick, which was as swollen and deprived as Gintoki’s, twitched beneath the samurai’s cool fingertips as he grazed over it. Gintoki placed his cold hands on Hijikata’s warm stomach, which clenched at the contact, and slid the fabric off of his hips. With the sleeves of his layered yukatas gliding off his shoulders and the rich fabric gathering at his elbows, Hijikata looked as seductive and wanton as a geisha in a shunga painting. That sultry look in his eyes as he gazed up at Gintoki through his lashes, his cheeks glowing and his legs trembling, just _waiting_ to be devoured, was something Gintoki hadn’t seen in ages. He wasn't sure if it was the sight of Hijikata’s picturesque allure or simply an effect of the cold air, but his dick was aching. After not seeing it for so long, Hijikata’s naked body was a sight for sore eyes, and he was genuinely awestruck.

“Take your clothes off, too,” Hijikata said, although it naturally sounded like more of a demand than a request, even if his husky voice was barely reaching a whisper. Gintoki gladly obliged, briefly robbing Hijikata of his touch to strip. When all that remained was his cloud kimono, Hijikata stopped him with a trembling hand. “Leave that on.”

“Oh?” Gintoki hummed, placing his hands on Hijikata’s pillowy inner thighs, which he spread apart just enough to get a glimpse of the cusp of his perfect ass. “Is that an order?”

He gave Gintoki a curt nod, but he lacked his usual commanding air; tonight, Gintoki was in charge. He would have Hijikata right then and there if he could, but he feared that if he didn’t keep it at the right pace, he might scare Hijikata off. 

“Ah…fuck, Gintoki…” was all Hijikata could manage as Gintoki scattered kisses from his abs to his chest, then sucked and nibbled on his stiff nipples, one after the other. He arched his back into Gintoki’s mouth, which only goaded him on further. “Ngh…ah, ah, _Gintoki_ …”

Gintoki raised one of his hands to Hijikata’s mouth—partially to keep him quiet because his self-restraint was wearing thin—and Hijikata slowly sucked on the index and middle fingers, eventually letting them go with a satisfying pop. He returned his hand to its former position between Hijikata’s thighs and traced a finger over his entrance to test the man’s reaction. Hijikata squirmed beneath him, gasping as Gintoki mercilessly shoved a finger inside his tight hole and began to probe at his throbbing walls. He clearly hadn’t been touching himself down there, at least not any time recently. What a waste.

“You’re so damn tight,” Gintoki whispered against his skin. It felt like Hijikata’s ass was trying to suck him in. He wrapped his lips around Hijikata’s right nipple, sucking and biting on it while using his free hand to pump his hard dick until he caved and let out an erotic, loud moan. _Finally_. “You like that?”

“You, nh…you know I do, you bast—” Hijikata yelped, clenching down on Gintoki’s index finger as he tried to push in a second digit.

“Relax,” Gintoki whispered, kissing his collarbone. “I’m not gonna hurt you, okay?”

Hijikata slowed his breathing to match the rhythm of Gintoki’s pumping and eventually allowed his walls to relax, which gave the samurai just enough room to squeeze his middle finger in and loosen him up further. When Gintoki reached three fingers, Hijikata was reduced to a moaning, writhing mess, his face flushed and his eyes overflowing with tears as he clutched the fabric of Gintoki’s kimono. He was thrusting into the samurai’s hand while at the same time trying to push his fingers deeper inside of him, which was a major turn-on for Gintoki. Overstimulation was his specialty, but he was even better at blue-balling. 

Quickly and without warning, he pulled out his sticky fingers and stopped pumping Hijikata’s dick, which was dripping with precum. Hijikata, who had almost certainly been on the verge of a mind-blowing orgasm, whined softly, looking up at Gintoki through his bangs with pleading eyes.

“What is it?” Gintoki teased. “Do you want me to fuck you?”

“Yes,” Hijikata replied without hesitation. It wasn’t very tsundere-ish of him, but clearly he was just as desperate as the samurai. “Please, Gintoki.”

“You want me to fuck you?” he repeated, resting his forehead against Hijikata’s. “Would you like that, Toshiro? After waiting all this time?”

He nodded, releasing Gintoki’s kimono to hold his face in his hands. Gintoki nodded too, as if to reassure himself. It’d only been a month, but to Gintoki, a month without any sexual activity—including make-up sex, which was the only type of sex they actually had—had felt like years. But, months upon months of arguing, ignoring each other, and sleeping in different beds had felt like an eternity. His love for Hijikata ran so excruciatingly deep that he’d do anything to stay with him, even if it meant he was doing more harm than good. This was his chance to do things right.

“Gintoki,” Hijikata moaned against his moist lips, his dark eyes hazy and his heavy breathing erratic, tugging at Gintoki’s silver hair to pull him back to the present. “I missed you.”

Gintoki felt his knees weaken and his heart skip a beat, but the other man was already pulling him into a dirty, wet, lip-smacking kiss. Hijikata could, in fact, be sweet at times, especially when he was horny and sprawled out beneath Gintoki, eagerly waiting to be ravished. Some things never change. Gintoki broke off their kiss and began to suck on his neck, earning a few subdued moans with each movement of his lips.

“What did you miss about me?” he asked between kisses. He was pretty sure they were in each other’s good graces, but there was an aching desperation deep in his heart that was begging for validation.

“Your…ah…your voice,” Hijikata began, his hips bucking impatiently as Gintoki rubbed their dicks together, their sweat and precum creating a slippery lubricant. “Your touch…and how you’d, nh, undress me…”

“What else?” Gintoki spurred him on. He was trying to keep Hijikata distracted while he lined up the head of his cock with his loosened entrance. He’d done all he could to prepare Hijikata, but it was still going to hurt.

“Ngh…your lips…and, ah, your fingers…” Hijikata whimpered as Gintoki’s thick, swollen tip pushed inside of him, stretching his hole to accommodate Gintoki's size. The samurai's knees nearly buckled; it was even more gloriously hot and tight inside of Hijikata than he remembered.

“Is that all?” Gintoki asked, looking at Hijikata expectantly. “Nothing else?”

Hijikata was blushing, but it was just dark enough that Gintoki couldn’t see the pink spreading across his face from ear to ear. He tried to turn his head to the side, but Gintoki gently held his chin to keep him in place. He visibly shuddered as Gintoki pushed himself in just a centimetre further, trying to provide him with a hint to the answer he wanted to hear—as if Hijikata didn’t already know.

“I missed your di—”

Gintoki thrust his entire length into Hijikata with so much force that there was almost no resistance. A shamelessly loud moan escaped Hijikata’s swollen lips as his hands fell from Gintoki’s face to grip the sheets. Gintoki’s delayed response was a deep, guttural groan; he was soaking in the feeling of his dick being swallowed up by something other than his own fist. Hijikata’s insides were so wet and so hot that goosebumps began to rise along Gintoki’s arms and legs, and a chill ran through him. It felt as though Hijikata was tightening around him, trying to hold Gintoki’s dick hostage in his ass. The hot, tight pleasure spread from Gintoki’s throbbing cock all throughout his body; every nerve was tingling with pure bliss. 

“You okay?”

“G-Gintoki…you're so fucking big…”

Gintoki smiled down at his boyfriend smugly. Hijikata’s expression had melted into pure euphoria, but he hadn't even started thrusting yet. Gintoki slowly pulled his hips back, retracting his dick from Hijikata’s entrance until the length was about halfway out. When the cold air began to seep into his throbbing dick, he roughly thrust back into Hijikata, earning a symphony of appreciative moans. Their eyes locked as Gintoki repeatedly thrust in and pulled out, eventually establishing a rhythm. Hijikata was grabbing at the sheets in a desperate attempt to ground himself as Gintoki rhythmically pounded into him, holding his hips to pull him into his achingly deep thrusts. Steadily, Gintoki picked up the pace until his thrusts began to create a wet, slapping sound as his hips slammed against Hijikata’s spread cheeks. 

“You’re really tight," he huffed, jerking his hips. "Does it hurt?”

“It feels good,” Hijikata muttered breathlessly. “Keep going.” 

They were both so sweaty and turned on that the cold was long forgotten. The only thing Gintoki could feel was Hijikata's soft, supple skin and the friction of his warm, welcoming insides. Every single nerve in his overstimulated body was begging him to delve deeper, to bury his dick inside of Hijikata and release his cum. When Hijikata locked his legs around his waist and began to whisper words of encouragement into the shell of his ear, he felt painfully close to the edge.

“Harder,” Hijikata whispered, lifting his rear off the futon. “Fuck me, ngh, harder.”

Gintoki grabbed Hijikata’s asscheeks and angled his hips, hammering into him until he blindly hit his prostate. He knew he’d reached it once the volume of Hijikata’s voice reached a frantic cry.

"R-Right there...fuck..."

“You want it harder there?" Gintoki grunted, leaving a trail of kisses along his slack jaw. "You like that?”

Hijikata’s pleasure was so intense that he couldn’t even gather enough words to form a coherent response; he could only moan, loudly and unabashedly, as he stared up at Gintoki with glossy eyes and moist lips. When Gintoki pulled him into a deep kiss, tilting his head back to bury his tongue in Hijikata’s throat, his thrusting so deep and forceful that it almost hurt, Hijikata abruptly reached his long-awaited orgasm. The release of endorphins and the feeling of blood rushing to the tip of his dick hit him so hard that his vision blurred with blackspots as his hips convulsed and ribbons of cum splattered across his churning stomach. His strong thighs clenched tightly around Gintoki’s waist, but he continued to fuck Hijikata through his orgasm, relishing the feeling of his hot, wet walls throbbing around him and pulling him even deeper.

“C-Come inside me, Gintoki.”

Hijikata didn't have to ask twice. Gintoki buried his face in the crook of Hijikata’s neck, kissing and sucking on his skin, inhaling his scent, licking away the beads of sweat and stray drops of cum. He quickened his thrusts to an impressive pace, as he too was beginning to reach the bittersweet end, and ruthlessly pounded Hijikata’s hole. When he felt the heat pooling in his abdomen begin to unravel, slowly escalating from a pleasant tingle into a white-hot, mind-numbing burn, he shoved his entire length into Hijikata’s ass and stilled his hips. He desperately latched onto Hijikata and gasped as he came, shooting a warm helping of cum into his spent hole. Gintoki groaned, low and dirty and loud, using his last bit of stamina to thrust into Hijikata one more time. _Way_ better than jerking off.

Gintoki watched Hijikata’s soft thighs quiver as his dick slipped out of his stretched, exhausted hole, followed by an alarming amount of cum. He’d hear an earful about it later, but for now, he didn’t care about that. He was basking in the afterglow of an amazing fuck and nothing could bring him down from his high. He flopped down onto the futon next to Hijikata, who was still catching his breath, and spooned him, affectionately nuzzling his nose into his flushed cheek.

“What am I gonna do if I can’t walk tomorrow?” Hijikata pondered aloud. 

“I’ll carry you around,” Gintoki whispered, kissing along his jaw. “But what if _I_ can’t walk tomorrow?”

“I guess we’d be stuck in bed all day.”

“That doesn’t sound so bad, does it?”

In response to his question, Hijikata rolled onto his side and melted into the other man’s open arms, stifling a yawn as Gintoki pulled the covers over them before the biting cold could reach them. Neither of them seemed to mind the stickiness or the scent of sweat, or even the aches and pains of tomorrow that were already beginning to settle into their muscles and joints. 

“It’s been a while since we’ve taken a day off together,” Hijikata muttered, kissing Gintoki’s arm, which was wrapped around his waist. His eyes fluttered shut as Gintoki kissed the top of his head. “I’ll call in tomorrow morning.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

After that, a comfortable silence fell over them. Their lust had been satisfied and they were now beginning to succumb to the temptations of sleep. They’d overexerted themselves in pursuit of reconnecting with each other, but with those aches and pains came the knowledge that come morning, they would start fresh. But, until then, Gintoki was completely content to mentally rehearse the long and arduous apology he owed to his beloved Toshiro, who was already fast asleep in his arms.

**Author's Note:**

> There's nothing I love more than an annoyingly long buildup to sex that verges on excessive, so depending on who’s reading this, I’m sorry lol. 
> 
> Also, I made a Twitter: [tsuukist](https://twitter.com/tsuukist) !!! I probably won’t use it very often, but I’d love to follow you guys and chat/see what everyone’s up to!! If you’d like to tell me off or send me a well-worded hate paragraph, I’ll gladly accept that too.
> 
> Lastly, thank you for reading and interacting with my works. The smut that I write is 100% self-indulgent and hedonistic, so I’m glad that there are readers out there who enjoy it as much as I do :)


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